


Fast Food

by spikesgirl58



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-04
Updated: 2013-10-04
Packaged: 2017-12-28 09:55:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/990660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spikesgirl58/pseuds/spikesgirl58
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eating rabbit at Easter?   Illya sees it as survival, but Napoleon sees it as an all out war to protect the Easter Bunny</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fast Food

“What are you doing?!”

Napoleon’s voice made him jump and the rabbit Illya had focused his rifle on hopped away into the undergrowth.

Illya sighed and let the rifle barrel drop.  “I was getting ready to shoot our dinner, but it’s too late for rabbit on a spit.”

“You can’t do that!  Not today!”  It was the force with which Napoleon delivered the line that made his partner turn and study him. In the twilight, it was getting harder to pick out the finer details of his partner’s face.

“Why not?  When have you suddenly developed a dislike of rabbit?”

“Don’t you know what today is?” 

Illya had to think for a moment.  “April something?”

“Tomorrow’s Easter, Illya.  You can’t eat rabbit on Easter or even the night before.  It would be like eating venison on Christmas Day.”

“Another one of your charming American holidays that means nothing to me.”  Illya started to scan the horizon again, waiting for something to move.  His stomach gurgled and that set his resolve even more firmly.

“Just because it doesn’t mean anything to you, think of all the disappointed kids if you shot the Easter Bunny.”  Napoleon dropped to his knees beside the campfire and added more wood to it.  Sparks danced up into the sky like tiny fireflies.

“Napoleon, I have neither the time nor the patience today.  I am hungry and I want to eat.  If I don’t get something within the next few minutes, it will be too dark to see.”

“Good, then cook these instead.”  Napoleon held up a branch with several freshly caught fish dangling from it.  “While you were busy picking on poor defenseless rabbits, I was being productive.”

“Why didn’t you say so in the first place?”  Illya scowled and set the weapon aside.

“I was too busy saving the Easter Bunny.  Now he can hop through the world delivering his Easter cheer to --.”

“His what?”

“Brightly colored Easter eggs, sometimes chocolate bunnies or marshmallow chicks--”

“And this is better than eating rabbits?”  Illya reached for his knife in preparation for cleaning the fish.

“It is if you’re the rabbit…”

Illya opened his eyes to the grey dawn and grunted.  Sleeping on the ground never really played nice with his body and every year, it was a little worse.  He sat up, still in his sleeping bag and reached for his boots.  Then he frowned and sighed.  Shaking his head in disbelief, he reached over and gave Napoleon a rousing nudge.

“Go away.”

“Not until you tell me how you did it.”

Napoleon rolled over and made a face as he opened and closed his mouth.  “I would kill for a toothbrush.  So what’s your problem, Kuryakin?”

“Where did you have it and how did you manage not to break it?”

“Break what?  Talk sense, please.”

Illya merely pointed to the brightly colored egg that protruded from the top of his hiking boot.  A short distance off, a rabbit hopped merrily away…

 


End file.
